What a week!

I think most of you who read my blog already know, but Alvin and I lost our baby. I went to the doctor last Friday for my 1st OB visit, which was to include an ultra sound, meet with the nurse and meet with the doctor. I was nervous going into the appointment, I'm mot sure why, maybe mothers intuition, I didn't know and now I do. Alvin couldn't be there (that's a long story in its self so I wont go into that) The ultra sound tech called me back and I got on the table and she looked around and I asked "is that my baby?" I think she said yes and then said "OK, I'll be back I need to show these to the doctor" I knew! I cryed and cryed and it seemed like forever before her and the doctor came in. My doctor said that they couldn't see the heart beat and that the baby was measuring 9 weeks. We went into another room and I called Alvin. He said he would be right there. When the doctor and I talked I asked if there was ANY chance and she said she was very confident in telling me that there was no chance but that I could come back and be scanned again next week and if we have the same results we would schedule a D&C.
After letting everything sink in and talking to Alvin and family. I went back in on Tuesday to have another scan. There was still no heartbeat. I was really devastated and I think that day it really really hit me. I cryed, I was mad, I didn't understand why this was happening to US! I went in for my D&C on Wednesday, boy was that hard. Something I did not expect was that Alvin and I had to make a decision on what we wanted done with our baby. We could have a private burial or we could have the county do it. I was by no means expecting or wanting to have to do that!
I feel better now that it is done. Maybe knowing that now Alvin and I can (after 1 cycle) can start trying again. I am still very sad and wish that my baby was healthy and growing but I also understand there is a reason for this and we may never no what that reason is. I found this poem and I love it...

My little one
You have left us too soon
Though my body can no longer hold you
I hold you forever in my heart
As precious and beautiful as this flower caught in time
A mother's love does not forget

Flowers we got from my bosses...


Flowers we got from my sister Stacy and her family...

I truly cant believe how deviating a miscarriage is. But I have Alvin and Ray to get me though it. Alvin is as wonderful as ever. I know all women think they have the best man in the world but I TRULY do have the best!!! I remember laying in recovery and he had his hand on my neck so I could rest my head on his hand, that was so comforting to me, and how he fed me ice chips. There was so so much more he did but just those few things that seem silly meant the world to me. Then you got Ray! My little RAY OF SUNSHINE!!! He has no clue whats going on but he has helped me more than he could ever know! We really did name him correctly. Then you have everybody else that has helped us. You all know who you are and we thank you and love you all so much!
On to not so sad stuff..
We havent done much this week, but we did go bowling with Alvins family last Friday night. That really helped get my mind off things for a little while. I didnt get any really good pictures because it was so dark but here are a few...




I love this picture of my guys resting..

These 2 are going to get into some trouble...

I hope every one is good and I am really going to try and get better at this blogging stuff.
Bye for now!!!

Just Pictures to show we are alive (barely)

Its been awhile!

Look at this smiley...

I got to spend sometime with this little guy a few weeks ago (and in case you don't know, its Dylan my nephew), let me just tell you, he is a ham!!! The boy is so think, I couldn't believe how heavy he is. He's a very happy baby and is up to about 14lbs. My sister-in-law Rachel goes back to work this week so Ray and him will be able to spend sometime together at grandma's house!
We have been doing pretty well. I have decided that this baby I am caring is a girl (and that's what the pencil tests says I'm having, and we all know that the pencil test is accurate LOL) no, a little over a week ago I started to feel pretty bad. I haven't thrown up but defiantly feel like I could at any moment. That is something that I never really had with Ray. I am very emotional, that I most defiantly had with Ray. I cry at very very silly things, like dropping Ray off at grandma and grandpa for an over night stay so Alvin and I could go to the Monster truck show! I cryed at the movie "Nims Island", which by the way was a very good movie! There have been other things that have made me cry but I cant think of them right now. I get very tired and my headaches are pretty bad. But other than that I'm doing pretty good, I just wish my Doctor's appointment would hurry and get here, only 2 1/2 weeks! That seems like forever! Did you see my baby ticker on the side of my blog? So far she doesnt look like a baby, just an alien.
Ray is doing good in day care. He still cries when I drop him off, but I hear that from moms who's kids have been going to day care all there life, so I'm not to worried about it. He seems like he really likes Steve and Debbie and to me that is what counts. I really haven't taken alot of pictures, I guess I will blame it on me not feeling all that great.
Ray kicked back with Bear watchin Elmo's World...

This is his "oh my gosh" face...

How about those Colts!!!! GO COLTS GO!!!

Bye for now!!!

Big Day!

Ray has been on this earth for 22 months and he has always been watched by Grandma. But now that my sister-in-law and I are adding more children to her "grandma's day care", she is going to get a LONG over due couple of days off! Anyone who knows me knows that I have wanted to get Ray in a day care for quite some time! Well today was the day! He went to my neighbor Debbie's house. She has a really neat set up and she's been doing this awhile. Alvin and I have really gotten to know them and feel very comfortable leaving Ray with her. She has a few kids that are about Rays age, which I think is a great thing. I was a bit nervous dropping him off today (which I am not quite sure why, cause he spent a couple hours over there last Wednesday and he did fine) I dropped him off and he cryed. I wanted to call and check on him all day but decided against it. Boy oh boy did I hustle home! When I went to the door I heard laughing and no crying. She opened the door and he saw me and started to cry! I believe it was cause he was happy to see me cause he ran right to me. It made me feel like I do when I see my mom sometimes, I'm just so happy to see her I cry, that's what I want to believe anyway. Debbie said he was great! He only cryed for "seconds" after I left (that is what she told me anyway) and he ate good and took about an hour nap and helped clean up the toys. I am very proud of my boy! We shall see what tomorrow brings. He will be with Debbie Monday's and Tuesday's and then grandma's the rest of the week.
As far as the pregnancy goes, I don't go see my doctor until February 19Th, which seems like eternity!!!! I don't want to buy my pregnancy book until then and I kinda don't want to get my hopes up. I know that's awful! I feel very good except for being tired and nauseous every once in awhile, so I guess its still hard for me to believe that its really happening!
Can you believe I havent taken ANY pictures??? So I thought I would leave you with a couple of old ones.


Bye for now!!

Bear!

Oh, how much does Ray love Bear, (yes that's his name)










I absolutely LOVE this one!!


I'd say ALOT!!!!!!

Ray's Big Announcement!

Ray is going to be a big brother!!!! We found out on News Years Eve that I am pregnant. We were getting ready to head to Kentucky to see my sister and her family for the weekend and I had my suspicions that I could be. So I took a test and there it was 2 lines!!! I ran to the drug store to get more tests so I could confirm this cause I just new that one was lying. The other 2 came out positive as well! I still cant believe it. I went to the Doctor on Monday to have a blood test done. It was defiantly positive but my numbers are low it was 137. She said that it probably means I'm just one to two weeks along. So they started me on progesterone, which I had to do with Ray also. Then I went back in today and had more blood work done to make sure that my numbers get higher! Cross your fingers, I will have that number tomorrow! I will keep you posted.
Ray also went to the Doctor today. He has been having cold like symptoms since around Thanksgiving. He has never ran a fever or anything serious. But in the last couple of days he's been coughing and he hasn't ate hardly anything. So the Doctor wanted to see him and make sure he was OK. Of course his chest and ears look and sound "great" but his nostrils were inflamed, so she is treating him for a sinus infection. So he is now on Amoxil. He really likes it now but in a couple of days he will be fighting me and not wanting to take it!
Like I said in the 1st paragraph, we went to see my sister and her family this weekend. We really had a good time. We really didn't do anything but eat and go to a mall. But that was still fun. I love my sisters house. They got a 8 week old puppy and he is way to cute for words, see...



His name is Brady (or so it was when we left, that was up for debate). As terrible as this is, the only pictures I took were of that darn dog. I am very bummed about that. I wish I had gotten some of my human niece and nephew!!! Thanks to my sister and brother-in-law for everything!!!
Well I think that's it for now! I hope everyone is good.
Bye for now!!!!

SNOW!!!

This is what Ray thought of the great snow we got on Sunday!



He didnt like it so much!!!!

Merry Christmas!!!!

I hope everyone had a great day! Our Christmas festivities started last night. We always spend Christmas eve at Alvin's mom and dad's. I love it!! Its always a good time. Ray got way to much stuff to mention everything but I will mention some of the big stuff.
Grandma and Grandpa got him a tricycle. He doesn't peddle yet, but hopefully by the spring he will...

They also got him (among many other things) a little karaoke machine, he really likes it, I say he really likes it because of all that karaoking mommy and grandma did when I was pregnant with him!!!

Opening his 1st gift this morning...

The Elmo live, we really thought this would be the gift of choice, we were wrong!

Nope, not the guitar we got him, but it is in this picture...

This is it (the vacuum), the gift that won over everything!!! It was like the 3rd gift he opened, and he was done after opening that, he got what he wanted evidently.

We had a great day. We stayed home and made our usual turkey dinner, had a fire and just relaxed. I even took a NAP!!! I never do that, it was kinda nice. Ray got me a snuggie. I am wearing it right now. I really like it. Alvin got me the Twilight movie and the last book in the twilight series (I better get to reading, cause I haven't even starting reading the 3rd book)and a gift card to Yankee Candle. Alvin got a charging station for his phone/ipod, a couple t-shirts from me and a remote control helicopter from Ray. That was Alvin's gift of choice. He has been playing with that thing all day!
Here's a few more pictures...
Jammin' out on Brandon's guitar with his Uncle Mike..

Ray and Mommy..

Daddy, Ray and Bear...

Merry Christmas and bye for now!!!

Visit with Santa & More...

We took Ray to see Santa today, this is what happened...
This visit was not planned. I had to wipe down his hair with a baby wipe cause it looked like this... Evidently his hair was still a little wet when we put his hat on. He would not give us his cup and I wish his pant leg us down, but oh well we pretty much had to put him on Santa's lap and snap the picture. I like this Santa much much better than the last one. That is one of those "priceless" pictures.
We had Christmas with Alvin's Grandma and family on Friday night. It is always fun to see them. Here's a few pictures of the evening..

Ray got a big Tonka truck and a dinosaur flash light that makes really cute noise's, some beanie babies and a telephone.
Ray with his tonka truck and Christmas pj's

I love this picture, this is Ray's great grandma Jones.

What more can I say about this picture. He is getting so so BIG!!!

We got some snow on Saturday, not as much as I would have liked but it was fun to see Ray in it.



Thats it I think.
Bye for now!!!