It was worth the wait: February 2010

I think most of you who read my blog already know, but Alvin and I lost our baby. I went to the doctor last Friday for my 1st OB visit, which was to include an ultra sound, meet with the nurse and meet with the doctor. I was nervous going into the appointment, I'm mot sure why, maybe mothers intuition, I didn't know and now I do. Alvin couldn't be there (that's a long story in its self so I wont go into that) The ultra sound tech called me back and I got on the table and she looked around and I asked "is that my baby?" I think she said yes and then said "OK, I'll be back I need to show these to the doctor" I knew! I cryed and cryed and it seemed like forever before her and the doctor came in. My doctor said that they couldn't see the heart beat and that the baby was measuring 9 weeks. We went into another room and I called Alvin. He said he would be right there. When the doctor and I talked I asked if there was ANY chance and she said she was very confident in telling me that there was no chance but that I could come back and be scanned again next week and if we have the same results we would schedule a D&C.
After letting everything sink in and talking to Alvin and family. I went back in on Tuesday to have another scan. There was still no heartbeat. I was really devastated and I think that day it really really hit me. I cryed, I was mad, I didn't understand why this was happening to US! I went in for my D&C on Wednesday, boy was that hard. Something I did not expect was that Alvin and I had to make a decision on what we wanted done with our baby. We could have a private burial or we could have the county do it. I was by no means expecting or wanting to have to do that!
I feel better now that it is done. Maybe knowing that now Alvin and I can (after 1 cycle) can start trying again. I am still very sad and wish that my baby was healthy and growing but I also understand there is a reason for this and we may never no what that reason is. I found this poem and I love it...

My little one
You have left us too soon
Though my body can no longer hold you
I hold you forever in my heart
As precious and beautiful as this flower caught in time
A mother's love does not forget

Flowers we got from my bosses...

Flowers we got from my sister Stacy and her family...

I truly cant believe how deviating a miscarriage is. But I have Alvin and Ray to get me though it. Alvin is as wonderful as ever. I know all women think they have the best man in the world but I TRULY do have the best!!! I remember laying in recovery and he had his hand on my neck so I could rest my head on his hand, that was so comforting to me, and how he fed me ice chips. There was so so much more he did but just those few things that seem silly meant the world to me. Then you got Ray! My little RAY OF SUNSHINE!!! He has no clue whats going on but he has helped me more than he could ever know! We really did name him correctly. Then you have everybody else that has helped us. You all know who you are and we thank you and love you all so much!
On to not so sad stuff..
We havent done much this week, but we did go bowling with Alvins family last Friday night. That really helped get my mind off things for a little while. I didnt get any really good pictures because it was so dark but here are a few...