Trying something new!

I'm trying something new with Ray and it breaks my heart! I'll start from the beginning, from day one I have always rocked Ray to sleep for nap time and bed time and this is the way I wanted it and still want it. It has gone great so far, he was sleeping through the night and everything was fine. Well lately he wakes up, will fall back to sleep as soon as you pick him up, but then as soon as you lay him down he wakes up! So Sunday night he did this, he woke up at about 10:00, I did my usual went and got him and rocked him, I put him down, he'd wake up, I'd pick him up and so on. My hand was hurting me quite a bit, so Alvin rocked him, well Ray had no part of that, all he wanted was me! I knew that I couldn't hold him all night, so I let him cry in his crib. I let him do it for about 10 minutes and couldn't take it. So I went and got him. We went though the whole thing again. I knew what I had to do, just let him cry himself to sleep! I changed his diaper, told him that it was time to go to sleep and that I would see him in the morning, kissed him goodnight, put him in his crib and shut the door behind me! It was so hard! He cryed and screamed for about 20 minutes and Alvin said to just go get him if that was what I wanted, I told him that I wanted to but I didn't want to give in! I cryed and told Alvin "I wonder if he (Ray) knows this is harder on me then it is him"? I just sit and wonder whats going on in his head,"where's my mom and why isn't she coming to get me, she always does and she's not now" Knowing that those things could be going on in his head breaks my heart!

Then Ray was silent! I went to check on him and he was asleep! What a relief! I went back in our bedroom and told Alvin I was proud of myself for sticking with it and mad at myself because I went against my better judgement, I never wanted Ray to go though that! I realize some people say its fine to let them cry it out, but frankly I hate it, but I don't trust myself to sleep holding Ray, so he will be safer in his own crib!

We had to do it again last night, but this time he only cryed for maybe 5 minutes, I gave him alittle time and then I checked on him, I opened the door very slowly and the turkey was still awake, he sat up whined alittle then was quite again. I cant get back to sleep until I know hes OK, so I went back in alittle later and he was sound asleep! I just did it for his nap, again cryed for maybe 5 minutes and he is asleep as we speak! I have it say that so far it is going alot better then I thought, I just hope the worst is behind us, I know we have to continue this so he will learn that mommy and daddy will always be here for him. This parenting is so heart breaking sometimes!

As far as Ray's rash goes, it's much much better. I think he is defiantly feeling better! His back sure looks better! I have my next surgery tomorrow, "happy new year to me" LOL I'm sure I will be fine, I was last time! Our plan is to go to Alvin's mom and dads for the evening, so I don't have to get all dressed up or put on makeup, I can just lay there and take my pain medicine if I need to.(I'm sure I will need the pain meds) Steve, Dawn and the kids come over also, we have done it every year for awhile now! It's always a good time!

Here is a cute video of Ray crawling to the camera, I think he is so darn cute!

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year! Bye for now!